Successful Marriage Requires NEVER Compromising

Relationships require compromise, that’s what we’ve been told. But nothing could be further from the truth.

In fact, successful long-term relationships like marriage require that we NEVER compromise. Why?

A compromise is like a quick fix, it’s putting a band-aide on a leaky pipe - it won’t do well in the long run.

To compromise is to agree to do something that we actually don’t want. In relationships it essentially means deny a part of yourself - to abandon a truth or a reality that you would prefer, all in the name of maintaining the relationship or appeasing your partner. So while compromising can start out seeming small and innocent, compromises build and don’t do well in the long term. Ever wonder why so many people talk about losing themselves in relationships? It’s because they’re compromising.

And compromising becomes a habit and a mindset that leads to losing yourself and builds resentment.

“But if I don’t compromise, how will I resolve differences?” many will ask. And this is important to discuss. Simply because we don’t compromise doesn’t mean we become stubborn or sweep issues under the rug.

Instead of compromising and going along with outcomes and proposals we don’t feel good about, we must learn how to actually problem solve.

If we want longevity in relationships, and we want fulfillment in marriage, we must trade our compromise mindset for a solution-oriented mindset. This requires more work, but it’s worth the effort. The easy way, is the the path that promotes longevity.

It’s easy to compromise, at least in the beginning. Let’s say your partner wants to move to Milwaukee. But you don’t want to go. But you compromise and go anyway. Over time however, resentments will start to build. You will resent your partner for your being in a city you didn’t want to move to.

In reality, the partner isn’t to blame. As adults we are all responsible for our own decisions. And it isn’t fair to blame our partners for decisions we participate in, even if those decisions are made on behalf of someone else.

This is why I say compromising seems simple and easy, in the beginning. In reality compromising isn’t simple at all, it’s insidious. But compromising is really just a lazy way to resolve differences.

Long-term successful relationships require work. And make no mistake about it, problem-solving without compromising within relationships often involves a great deal of work.

And that work is taking the time to really troubleshoot issues. That means listening to your partner, explaining your respective needs, and then thinking through and working-through differences in order to reach a resolution that you both feel good about. This process demands patience and care.

Successful relationships are a marathon. And marathons require preparation and planning. And as with the marathons people train for and run, the results are worth the effort.

If you want to learn more about how to live without compromise, you can check out my book, Compromise is Killing You on Amazon.